Top 99 Homer Simpson Quotes Of Wisdom

Top 99 Homer Simpson Quotes Of Wisdom

Get ready to dive into the wisdom of one of the most iconic animated characters of all time! Here are the top 99 Homer Simpson quotes that will make you laugh, think, and maybe even shed a tear:

On Life

1. “Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves.”
2. “I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?”
3. “Trying is the first step toward failure.”
4. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
5. “I’m not a bad guy. I’m just misunderstood.”
6. “Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with a little luck, they’ll pass the torch to the grandkids.”
7. “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
8. “I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”
9. “Don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!”
10. “Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

On Love and Relationships

1. “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
2. “Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”
3. “I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!”
4. “I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.”
5. “Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”
6. “Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”
7. “I know I’m not supposed to eat the blue part, but I’m not sure what to do with the rest of the blueberry.”
8. “When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!”
9. “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”
10. “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”

On Food and Eating

1. “Ah, alcohol and night-swimming – it’s a winning combination.”
2. “I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!”
3. “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”
4. “Mmm…sacrelicious.”
5. “You don’t win friends with salad.”
6. “I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!”
7. “I hope I didn’t brain my damage.”
8. “If it doesn’t have chocolate, it’s not breakfast.”
9. “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
10. “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”

On Work and Ambition

1. “I have a feeling that in a few years, I’ll be known as the guy who ruined Christmas.”
2. “I’m never going to be a millionaire. I mean, let’s face it, I’d have to do way more work than I do now.”
3. “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.”
4. “I’m not a bad guy. I’m just misunderstood.”
5. “I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?”
6. “Marge, please. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.”
7. “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
8. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
9. “I don’t mind if you pee in the shower, but only if you’re taking a shower by yourself. Otherwise, it’s just gross.”
10. “I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!”

On Society and Politics

1. “I’m not a bad guy. I’m just misunderstood.”
2. “I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!”
3. “I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?”
4. “Oh, so they have internet on computers now!”
5. “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.”
6. “I don’t mind if you pee in the shower, but only if you’re taking a shower by yourself. Otherwise, it’s just gross.”
7. “I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!”
8. “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”
9. “Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with a little luck, they’ll pass the torch to the grandkids.”
10. “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

On Education and Learning

1. “Trying is the first step toward failure.”
2. “Oh, so they have internet on computers now!”
3. “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
4. “I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!”
5. “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”
6. “Don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!”
7. “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”
8. “I have a feeling that in a few years, I’ll be known as the guy who ruined Christmas.”
9. “I’m never going to be a millionaire. I mean, let’s face it, I’d have to do way more work than I do now.”
10. “Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with a little luck, they’ll pass the torch to the grandkids.”

On Religion and Spirituality

1. “I hope I didn’t brain my damage.”
2. “I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!”
3. “I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!”
4. “I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!”
5. “Marge, please. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.”
6. “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
7. “Don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!”
8. “I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?”
9. “I’m